


Open Skies

by idrilhadhafang



Series: The Broken Edge AUs [23]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ben Solo Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Character Bashing, Dreams and Nightmares, Drunk Poe Dameron, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Estrangement, Falling In Love, Families of Choice, Family Issues, Father-Son Relationship, First Kiss, Flirting, Hurt/Comfort, Hux is Not Nice, Implied/Referenced Terrorism, In Vino Veritas, Jedi Ben Solo, Love Confessions, M/M, Nightmares, Pilot Poe Dameron, Questions of Parentage, Revelations, Slow Burn, Terrorism, Terrorists, Torture, Tortured Ben, Tortured Poe Dameron, Uncle-Nephew Relationship, Violence, Well-Intentioned Extremist Snoke, pilot ben solo, slow burn Ben Solo/Poe Dameron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2018-12-27 15:08:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 10,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12083604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Ben Solo runs away from home to become a pilot for the Republic -- but he isn't prepared for the horrors of war, or, for that matter, a devastating revelation about one of the Jedi Masters.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author's Notes: Posted for Knightpilot Week, namely WIP day. This was a chapter Fic I was struggling with thanks to Darth School and Darth Writer's Block. Hopefully I can get it out of the muck.

When Ben Solo is eighteen years old, he runs away to join the Republic fleet.

It’s not something that he’s thought of before, admittedly, and it’s not something that he thought he would ever do, but here he is. By the time he gets to Coruscant, he’s already angry. Angry at Uncle Luke for refusing to take action against Snoke and his troops, angry at the Order for refusing to do anything, angry at all of them.

And at the same time, he can’t help but be flabbergasted with himself. He hasn’t expected, of all things, to actually run away like this. Runaway Jedi, off to save the galaxy.

He lands on Coruscant, and he gets out of his ship. It’s there that he notices Poe across the way, BB-8 in tow, and they run towards him. Poe practically sweeps him into his arms in that moment, and despite Poe’s small stature, Ben feels just about engulfed in his warmth.

Not that he’s complaining, of course. There’s something about Poe’s presence that’s enough to cool his anger, at least a little bit. Eventually, Poe withdraws, and he grins at Ben. “It’s good to see you.”

“Same here.” Ben allows himself a faint smile even despite himself. “How have things been going?”

Even as Poe updates him on what exactly happened, Ben smiles despite himself. There’s something about just being with Poe that’s incredibly cheering. Even as Poe spins his tale as to one of his battles, Ben’s listening and he’s enthralled all the while.

When Poe finishes, Ben says, “You sound like you’ve been through a lot.”

A grin. “Nothing I couldn't handle before. So what’s new with you, Ben?”

Ben takes a deep breath. “I’m joining the Republic fleet,” he says.

“You’re going with us?” Poe says.

“Yes.” Ben sighs. “I couldn’t take it anymore, Poe,” he says. “The way that Uncle Luke refused to do anything to help...”

Poe squeezes his hand. “You’re doing the right thing, Ben. And anyway, it’s really good to see you.”

They fill out the paperwork for Ben being included in the military. Even as they do so, Ben can’t help but feel like he’s leaving a great deal of his life behind. What will his parents think, he wonders. What will the others think?

He doesn't know. And then there’s the matter of the challenges that lie ahead. Will he be able to face them? He can only hope. At least, no matter what the cost.


	2. Flying Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has his first flying practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

  
The first time he puts on a flightsuit, he has to actually search for something that fits his large frame. It occurs to him how large he is -- large chest, broad shoulders, just a lot of muscle and solidness. He’s big, and it occurs to him just how big he is -- even the flightsuit seems to stretch over his body, accentuating his frame. He feels, suddenly, self-conscious just wearing the thing. But Poe...Poe looks enthralled all the while. Ben can feel how amazed he is, and he swears that he feels...something radiating off Poe. It’s nothing that he’s familiar with, but it feels like amazement, a sort of longing.

“You’re staring at me,” Ben says.

“Sorry. It just...it looks good on you.” Poe smiles as he speaks, and he looks even more beautiful in Ben’s opinion. “Really good.”

“I’m too big.”

“You’re just right.”

And there’s something about Poe’s words that manages to reassure Ben about his body, just for the moment. He’s big, a giant actually, but Poe seems to...like it. Gawky, too-large Ben Solo, and Poe seems to like it.

“We better get to the meeting,” Poe says. “Madine’s waiting for us.”

Even being in Madine’s presence, Ben has to admit he’s awed. This is the same General who defected from the Empire to serve the Rebellion. This is the same man who worked, among many, with his mother. Even being in his presence is like being in the presence of history.

“I want to thank you all for coming,” he says. “As you well know, the fight against Snoke is grim. It’s a hard fight, and we need all the help we can get. When you signed on to the Republic fleet, you swore an oath essentially to defend her with all she has. Snoke and his men seek to tear down the Republic, democracy at its foundation. That’s why it’s so important to fight them...”

It’s after the meeting that the flying lesson begins. As the others head over, Poe turns to look at Ben. “Do you want to walk with me? You know, so you don’t get lost.”

Ben nods. Even walking the same direction, Ben finds he likes walking with Poe. It’s like something familiar in a sea of newness -- new rules, new everything, actually.

“It’s all really new.” Ben says.

Poe smiles. “You’ll get used to it, I promise,” he says, and he pats Ben’s shoulder. There’s something about the touch that makes Ben’s heart skip a beat -- it’s a familiar feeling, this tentative, confused feeling. He loves Poe, he knows that, and how can he not? Poe’s beautiful, he’s witty, he’s brave, he’s charming -- he’s everything positive under the suns. “So...you nervous?”

“Why would I be?” Ben says, and he’s grinning despite himself.

“Good to hear. You’re a good pilot, Ben. I mean, I know you haven’t had much time to practice before, but you’re good.”

“Not as good as you.”

Poe laughs. “I’ve practiced.”

“And you’re really good.” Ben says.

“The more you practice, the better you get at it, trust me.”

When practice begins, it’s mostly a matter of testing skills and things of that nature. Ben doesn't think he’s done all that badly, all things considered. He could have done worse. He hasn't flown for a while, but he knows the gist of it -- every roll, every soar, everything like that. Finally, Madine calls both him and Poe down to the ground.

“Nice flying, Dameron,” he says. “Solo...you’ll need practice, but you have a lot of promise.”

Practice lets out, and Poe turns to Ben, smiles. “Nice flying.”

“Thanks.”

“Guess those Jedi reflexes can really come in handy, can’t they?” Poe says.

“Yeah.” Ben swallows. “They can.”

“What’s your training like?” Poe says.

“Well,” Ben says, “I guess I should say what was it like.”

“Oh.” Poe looks at him in concern. Light mood over, Ben supposes. “Did you have a falling out with your uncle?”

“Basically.” Ben sighs. “He thought I was rushing into things too quickly, that I’d...”

He trails off. The idea is too horrifying to think about. All his life, he’s worried about the Dark Side. Like walking a tightrope, he could fall any moment.

“I’d fall,” he says. “And it would be my fault.”

“You’re a good person, Ben.”

 _If I am, why do I feel so terrible about myself?_ But Ben smiles faintly. “And you’re a good friend.”

“Well,” Poe says, “There’s a lot to like about you. You’re brave. You’re funny. You’re smart. You’re a good friend too.” And could be more than that, he picks up from Poe’s mind.

“What do you mean?” he says. “By more than that?”

“I want -- I want to fly with you,” Poe says. “In battle. Things are going to be something with you at my side.”

Somehow, Ben doesn’t think it’s the whole truth, but he nods.

“You’re a good person, Ben,” Poe says. “Don’t let the Order bring you down.” He pats Ben’s shoulder again, and Ben finds a certain warmth going through his chest as Poe does so.

Ben smiles broadly. “You’re a good person too.” Then, “Thank you.”

And even heading towards his room, there’s something about what Poe says that makes him feel lifted somehow.


	3. Estrangement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gets a letter from his uncle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The moment that Ben picks up his datapad, he should have known that it was a bad idea. But he can’t say that he knew what was coming. He can’t say that he expected to get the letter he did from Uncle Luke.

But he has. The moment that he opens it, he sees what was going on, and he hates it.

 _Dear Ben,_ the letter begins, _I heard you signed up for the Republic fleet._

Ben reads further.

_I have to admit that I expected better than this from you. You’re rushing into danger, and that’s not the Jedi way. I told you to be patient, I told you to meditate and still you defied me. I thought I taught you better than that. I suppose I was wrong._

_I can only hope you come to your senses before it’s too late. As such, you are no longer part of the Jedi Order. Your actions have proven that you don't know what it means to be a Jedi, and never will. I can only hope that in time you'll understand how deeply you disobeyed the Order, and what it means to be a Jedi._

_Uncle Luke_

Ben feels the tension all but build through his body, white hot rage that only gets bigger and bigger and he needs to discharge it, he has to --

Ben hurls the datapad across the room, where it lands with a dull thud against the wall. And for good measure, he punches the wall -- and then curses as his knuckles throb.

There is a knock on the door. “Ben? Can I come in?”

Poe’s voice. Ben opens the door in that moment, and Poe comes in.

“Thought you were hurt,” Poe says.

“Knuckles a bit bruised, but I’m fine,” Ben says. Fine as I can be, at least.

Poe eyes the datapad that’s landed on the floor and says, “Did you throw that?”

“I shouldn't have. I was just so angry.” Ben picks up the datapad and puts it on the nightstand. “It’s my uncle.”

“What did he say?”

“Read for yourself.”

Poe reads through the letter, brow furrowed, and when he’s finished, he puts the datapad down. “Your uncle...I guess he isn’t as wise as I thought he was.”

“No.” And that hurts. That really hurts.

“You’re doing the right thing, Ben. You really are. There’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing against Snoke. There’s a lot of things wrong with your uncle and what he’s doing, but there’s nothing wrong with us.”

And there’s something about the way that Poe says it where Ben smiles. “You really do see the best in me, don't you, Poe?”

“You’re a good person. You deserve the best.”

And there's something about the way that Poe says it that, for a moment, Ben believes it. He wishes that he could always believe it; the problem, he supposes, is that he isn't good at it. He’s not good enough.

Poe puts a hand on his shoulder. “We’ve got your back, Ben. Always. Even if the Order doesn’t want you back, we’ve got you. We always will.”

“Thank you, Poe,” Ben says. “Thank you.”


	4. Nightmare-Scape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Sorry this is such a late update. Real life got in the way.

_Ben’s dreams that night turn out to be tempestuous things. He sees stormtroopers (but that makes no sense, there are no stormtroopers, are there? Not after the Galactic Civil War) firing on a village at the command of a masked man. He runs forward, intent on stopping the massacre, his lightsaber drawn._

_The figure draws his lightsaber in turn, and Ben already gets the chills. It looks like a Dark Side counterpart of his own blue one._

_They duel, and it’s at one point that Ben slices off the figure’s head._

_The figure’s mask bursts open, only to reveal Ben’s face._

Ben wakes up, gasping for breath in that moment. He looks around his room, reassuring himself that he’s still there, and rubs his temples. It was just a dream. Right? He’s not going to fall. Not for just helping the Republic. 

That’s probably what Revan and Malak thought too before they fell. 

Ben isn’t willing to go back to sleep. Not after his nightmare. But after doing reading of a Coruscant Knights tie-in holonovel on his datapad, he finds himself slipping back into sleep. 

His dreams the rest of that night aren’t any better. 

***

When he heads to the mess hall the next morning, he’s tired, and already has the voice echoing in his mind, deep, rumbly, sounding almost like —

No. That’s preposterous. It can’t be. Master Yana would never do anything like that. 

Ben sits with the others, and picks at his food. Even the idea is already driving him mad. It sounded exactly like Master Yana, just echoey...

What if it was just a stress dream? Except Jedi don’t have stress dreams, do they?

***

It’s during the simulation that he meets BB-9E. They’re already setting up the holosimulator for Ben when he sees a black BB unit in the back of his “starfighter”. He turns to his squad leader, Mari Kennedy, or Gold Leader. “Who is...” He pauses; he doesn’t quite know the gender of the droid and doesn’t want to assume. 

“He?” Mari says. “We actually managed to salvage him from Snoke’s troops. Poor little guy seems to have taken a bit of abuse from the officers.” She shakes her head. “No idea who’d abuse a droid.”

Ben’s chest clenches. He’s been around droids just about his whole life, from Threepio to Artoo to the kindly Master Huyang, and he can’t fathom anyone being cruel to this small droid. It’s like kicking BB-8 or Artoo; it’s wrong. He kneels next to the ship. 

“Hello,” he says. 

The droid swivels his head to look at Ben. 

“I’m Ben. Ben Solo.” Ben tries to offer a smile, like he does with BB-8. “I’m just training.”

The droid beeps distrustfully. This clearly isn’t a droid that’s seen the best of other beings. 

“I won’t hurt you,” Ben says, and tentatively reaches out towards him. 

The droid beeps. “WHY ARE YOUR HANDS SO BIG?”

Ben pauses. 

“YOU’RE A BIG HUMAN,” the droid continues. “EVEN AMONG BIG HUMANS.”

”Yeah.” Ben can’t deny it. 

“YOU’RE NOT LIKE THE LAST ONE. RED HAIRED MAN. KICKED ME.”

”He kicked you?” Ben says. 

“YES.”

Ben vows that if he ever catches up with that man, he will make sure he’s taught a lesson. 

“THE REPUBLIC BEINGS ARE GOOD BEINGS. YOU SEEM LIKE ONE TOO.”

Ben smiles. “I try to be.”

He pats the droid’s dome, and the droid leans into the touch. Ben is aware that his hand, his too-clumsy hand, all but covers the dome. 

Mari smiles. “He likes you,” she says. 

“I’ve had some experience,” Ben says, “With BB-8.”

“Good to hear. One of the rules of Gold Squadron — your droid is your best friend. All right, Gold Four...let’s see what you’ve got.”

Ben steps into the simulator. Taking down the holographic troopers is harder without being able to sense them in the Force — after all, they’re fake. Instead, he has to rely on his eyesight, which feels like a complete contradiction of what his uncle taught him. 

He remembers something his uncle taught him. You must unlearn what you have learned. 

Then he squashes it down. Something about that gives him fuel to shoot down the holograms. Even as he does, he’s already scared — he shouldn’t be drawing on the Dark Side, even for shooting down a hologram. He hesitates — and a hologram shoots at his ship. 

The simulation ends and Mari looks at him. “Not bad,” she says. “You were caught off-guard at the end, though — is something wrong?”

”It’s...” Ben takes a deep breath. How is he going to explain it? That he struggled with the Dark Side ever since he was a child, and now is no exception? Even against holograms? 

Mari nods. “You’re nervous?”

Ben nods. Why not? 

“Don’t be,” Mari says. “Just focus on doing your job.”

***

It’s after the holosimulation that Aunt Alora calls. To his relief, she says, “In case you’re wondering, I’m not angry with you, Ben.”

”Why not?” Ben says. “My uncle — ’’

Alora nods. “For what it’s worth, I don’t agree with him, Ben,” she says. “I talked to him. I said he shouldn’t have exiled you, that he did it in a moment of anger.”

”Anger. Right.” _Because that makes everything better._

 _“_ You’re doing a good thing, Ben,” Alora says. “I think your father would be proud of you and for good reason, actually. You really are more like him than you know.”

”Am I?” Ben isn’t sure. He doesn’t look like either of his parents, he doesn’t really have many talents of his own, he isn’t really much of anything. 

“From what I heard from your uncle, it sounds like something he would do.”

Ben can’t help but feel a swell of pride all the while. Something his father would do...maybe he is his father’s son, after all. 

“Why aren’t you going?” he says. 

“Someone has to help run the Order.”

”Right.” Ben doesn’t quite buy it, but he supposes Aunt Alora has her reasons. Same as Mike and Annie and the others. “How are Annie and the others?”

”Good. They miss you. As do I.”

Ben smiles. “I’ll be back before you know it,” he says. “Trust me.”

”I had a feeling. And Ben?”

”Yes?”

”Do make sure Snoke gets his cargo hold handed to him.”

Ben grins. “Guaranteed.”

”May the Force be with you, Ben.”

“And with you.”

The communication ends, and Ben wipes his brow. That actually went better than he thought it would. Then again, Aunt Alora’s always been kind to him. Almost to the point of overvalidation. 

BB-9E wheels up next to him, and Ben smiles; there’s something about droids where they just seem to get you at times. He pats BB-9E’s  dome. 

“Thanks...” He frowns. “What should I call you? I can’t call you BB — BB-8’s already cornered the market on that.”

The black BB unit chirps. 

“I don’t want to call you BB and have you get confused.” Ben says. 

BB-9E does the droid equivalent of tilting his head. 

“Let’s see, Artoo’s Artoo, Threepio’s Threepio...how about Niney?”

BB-9E chirps gleefully. 

“Wonderful. Welcome to the team, Niney.” Ben pats his dome again. “I think BB-8 will love you.”


	5. To Dxun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Poe prepare for Ben’s first mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

When Ben dreams, he dreams of the voice again. Master Yana’s voice. Only it sounds different, a lot different. It sounds echoey, rumbly, menacing, nothing like the kindly Jedi Master that Ben knew. It’s enough to scare Ben awake, looking around the room, thinking about it, what the voice said. 

_You were always meant to be Kylo Ren._

_Fulfill your destiny._

Those were at least two of the things that the voice had said. Ben rubs his temples even as Niney wheels over towards him. He doesn’t know who this Kylo Ren is, but something about it is enough to give him a chill thinking about it, just knowing about it. 

Niney beeps inquisitively, and Ben forces a smile. “I’m fine,” he says. Do droids have any concept of nightmares, or the horrifying possibility that someone that they knew from childhood could —

No, it was just a bad dream. Just a nightmare. Master Yana would never do anything to hurt him, would he? 

Ben lies awake, trying vainly to get back to sleep. 

***

The morning comes and one of Ben’s squadmates asks after him. “Are you feeling all right?” she says. 

“Not really,” Ben says. Next to him, Niney gently nudges him. 

He looks at his datapad, pretending to look over mission information, when really, he’s trying to decipher his dream. 

_Possibilities of it being a stress dream — Jedi don’t have them. They have visions and premonitions — apparently rarely — but stress dreams? No._

_Did Master Yana ever do anything suspicious?_

_No._

_Possibilities..._

”Ben,” one of his squadmates says. “Galaxy to Ben Solo, come in, Ben Solo, do you copy?”

Ben sighs, rolls his eyes. “Cute.” He puts down his datapad. 

“What were you doing?” the squadmate says. 

“Writing,” Ben says. 

“Well, we kind of have a mission to focus on,” the squadmate says. “Apparently, there’s been  some activity over on Dxun. We have to go out and scan it.”

Ben takes the opportunity to look over his mission readouts. Apparently, Narudar Ren may be on Dxun. Of course he would be. The question is what for. He probably didn’t decide to just drop by for a visit to something valuable in Mandalorian history. He doesn’t think Narudar is the type to go sightseeing.

It’s after breakfast that Ben goes to see Poe, who’s currently talking with his other squadmates, laughing at some story that Kare’s telling him. Poe turns to look at Ben, but it’s not an unfriendly sort of look, instead, it seems to linger a bit. Is there a sort of longing in there? Those eyes are so expressive, and so beautiful. Ben’s heart feels like it’s beating too fast, and he has to breathe. Stars, Poe is so beautiful.

”Hi,” Ben says. He feels somehow like he’s intruding, an eighteen year old trying to find his way in the fleet with others who seem more confident than him. 

Poe steps out of the circle and smiles, and he looks even more beautiful than ever. “Hi,” he says. “You doing all right? You seem a bit tired.”

”I had a rough night,” Ben says. 

“Sorry to hear that,” Poe says. “You feeling all right now?”

”Yeah. Relatively.” There’s something about Poe’s presence that’s enough to drive the nightmare away from Ben for a while. 

“That’s good.”

There’s silence for a while. Ben is suddenly aware of how close Poe is to him, and he feels, not unpleasantly, shy. 

“So,” Poe says, “Your first mission. You excited?”

”A little nervous.”

”You don’t have to be,” Poe says. “You’ll do great. I can feel it.”

“Will I?”

”Of course,” Poe says. “You’re very talented. I mean, that was some fighting in the simulator.”

”You saw?”

”I heard.”

”I just hope I didn’t go too far.”

“No such thing in a simulation. I mean, you’re...talented.”

Ben’s heart lifts. He can’t say that many people have said that about him. A living minefield, yes, but talented? Not really. 

“Thank you,” he says, and he’s smiling, really smiling. 

“It’s true. You’re very talented. And you’re going to do great. Believe me.”

”So are you,” Ben says. “See you at Dxun.”

”Yeah.” Poe smiles. “See you.”

***

”Let me guess,” Kare says. “You like him. A lot.”

Poe nods. He can’t deny it. It was there when he was seventeen and now it’s hitting him full force. He’s attracted to Ben. Terribly attracted. It’s not just his beauty, though he’s grown lovelier by the day, more captivating by the day. It’s his spirit, his courage, his compassion, everything. 

“Why don’t you just tell him?”

”I could.” The question was how. “It’s just...I don’t know how he feels about me, let alone a romantic relationship. The Jedi weren’t exactly healthy in that regard.”

”They weren’t?”

”Far as Ben’s told me, yes.” Poe sighs. “Then again, he’s not a Jedi anymore. His uncle good as exiled him.”

”That schutta!” Kare says. 

Poe sighs. “Yeah, that’s one way to put it.”

”Well, Gold and Black Squadron both have his back,” Snap says. “That’s guaranteed.”

”Yeah.” And Poe promises that no matter what happens, he is never going to let Ben down. 


	6. Anguish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Poe are captured and tortured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Trigger warning for torture.

So far, on Dxun, everything’s been relatively calm. Even as Ben has scanned the surface, he can’t say he can find anything that really tips off anyone to Narudar’s whereabouts. Even as his ship glides along the ground, picking up lifesigns, Ben can’t help but think that it’s quiet on Dxun. Too quiet, actually.

That’s dispelled by a shot at his X-wing. He shoots back, taking some damage, crashing to the ground before all goes black. 

***

When Ben wakes, he’s in a dark room, some sort of warehouse with multiple droids stationed around him, and a figure looming in the darkness, wearing a gold mask. There’s something about those eyes that’s enough to chill him. He struggles against his restraints, only to find that the Force is not there. The Force has essentially forsaken him. 

“You can try and escape," says the figure, with a voice like crackling flames, “But you’ll hardly succeed. These are Force suppressing cuffs. They are fundamentally unnecessary, but the guards insisted on them.”

Ben looks up into the figure’s face, and he is already afraid, but makes an effort not to show it. “Where is Poe?”

 “He has been detained,” says the figure, “For his safety.”

But Ben knows that safety is the last thing on this figure’s mind. It doesn’t take the Force to recognize that. 

“By the stars, what are you doing to him?” Ben says. 

“Only as much as I need to,” the figure says. “The same as with you.”

He takes out something that looks like an electrical weapon, and applies it to Ben’s skin. The shock goes through him, and Ben tries not to scream. He bites his lip until he tastes blood, but by the stars he is not going to scream. Tears are welling in his eyes, but he is not going to scream. 

“What was your mission?” the figure says. 

“Go...kriff yourself,” Ben says. 

The figure laughs, sardonically. “Isn’t that what they all say,” he says. “Tell me...what was your mission? It was hunting Narudar, wasn’t it?”

The rest is searing, electrical pain. 

***

In the warehouse just up ahead from Ben’s, Poe is going through the same thing. The fists of the stormtroopers fall on him, electrical weapons fall on him, but he does not cave. By the stars, he cannot afford to cave. 

“What was your mission?” one of the troopers says, and Poe has a feeling that he’s living a nightmare. A nightmare where the Empire is forming again. 

“The Republic,” Poe says, “Will not be intimidated by you.”

That gets him another electrical shock for his trouble, but Poe can reassure himself that he’s doing the right thing. He can’t betray the others. He can’t betray Ben. He would never forgive himself if he did. 

He can only hope he can get out in time. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Rescue.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Poe escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Ben doesn’t know how long it’s been since he’s been in this warehouse. Could be a few days, could be a few hours actually. Between the torture and the figure’s (more specifically, Ben has learned his name is Lisaris) rhetoric, all of it seems to be more than a bit of a blur. The electrical shocks against his skin, the hisses in his ear...

And no one’s here. He knows that Poe is likely in one of the warehouses, along with anyone else Lisaris captured. 

Sometimes, he can swear that he hears Lisaris talking about bringing Ben to the Supreme Leader, and he feels a sudden chill in him. Is the Supreme Leader Master Yana? Will the Leader try to turn him? He shudders at both thoughts. 

It’s one day when he asks about the Supreme Leader that Lisaris says, “He guides us. What others would call a monster we call a leader and a teacher.”

”Is that what you call him?” Ben says. “After what he’s done?”

“The only things he’s done are things the Republic won’t do for others.”

“What do you mean?”

“What has the Republic ever done for those who needed it most? They care as little for those they’ve sworn to protect as the bantha dung one would accidentally step in. You’ve surely noticed.”

”Not all of them are like that.” Mom isn’t like that, for example. 

“But quite a few of them are, aren’t they?”

From what he can see on the Holonet, Ben doesn’t think he can entirely refute Lisaris. 

“I don’t see how your side is any better.”

”I prefer to think of us as visionaries. I’m sure you’d understand.”

Ben shakes his head. He can’t see it. And he’s not sure if he really wants to, actually.

Days pass. Lisaris still tries to convince Ben to join his cause, and Ben still refuses. All the while, the passing days seem to be filled with electrical shocks and rhetoric, and Ben wonders if there is a way to get a message out to his squadron, towards anyone, even with the Force suppressing cuffs. 

Sure enough, when Lisaris actually snaps off the cuffs to put on another set to transport Ben to the Supreme Leader, Ben takes the opportunity to take his lightsaber and run. Dxun is pouring out, and the Force seems to flood back to him at once much to his dizzying shock, but he makes his way up the pathway towards where Poe’s presence is shining bright. Bright, too bright, and in too much pain...

It just makes him run faster. Faster, into the warehouse where Poe is being tortured, and hurling his lightsaber in fury at the stormtrooper torturing Poe. 

The stormtrooper falls to the ground, dead, and it’s there that the rage clears, only to be replaced by horror at what Ben’s done. He’s...well, he would be lying if he said that this was his first experience drawing on the Dark Side. This isn’t his first. And he still feels horribly defiled just drawing on it. 

He goes over to Poe, uses the Force to unlock the restraints, and embraces him tightly. Even as he embraces Poe, he makes a promise to himself to never let Poe go. 

He draws away even as Poe winces. “Sorry,” Ben says. 

“It’s all right. Just roughed up a bit. Nothing I couldn’t handle.” Poe gives him a strained grin. “Might have broken a rib...”

Ben reaches over and says, “I’m going to try and heal your injuries. Do you trust me?”

Poe’s breath hitches. “Yes.”

It takes a matter of healing Poe’s injury to his eye, to his ribs — and Ben’s own breathing hitches just touching Poe. It’s just a healing procedure, of course, it’s nothing big, and yet Ben’s breath hitches. He and Poe have never been so close before. 

Their lips have never been so close, to begin with. Ben can’t help but stare at them, at how full and soft they are, and he wonders what it would be like to kiss them. He’s never kissed anyone before. 

They’re so close. Ben can count his eyelashes...

”I’m finished,” Ben says. “How do you feel?”

”Better,” Poe says lightly. “Especially since a beautiful Jedi helped me.”

“Me?” Ben says. He’s awkward, but not particularly beautiful. 

“Yes.” Poe’s voice is soft, and Ben’s heart speeds up as he speaks. “You’re beautiful.”

They’re so close. Ben longs to kiss him, but can he have this bliss? Really, truly? 

Footsteps. Lisaris is coming. Ben takes Poe’s hand, and he momentarily feels a flutter of excitement and trepidation at how his own hand all but swallows Poe’s. 

Then they run. 

 

 

 


	8. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisaris is captured, and Ben and Poe come to grips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

They practically sprint through the pouring rains of Dxun, and Ben already feels overwhelmed. The shuttle...there has to be some sort of shuttle around here somewhere. They’re running, and Lisaris is already gaining on them. 

They’re running, and Ben’s hoping that they can get out of here in time. 

“Ben!”

It’s Mari’s voice. Even through the rain, Ben can hear her too clearly. It makes him and Poe run all the faster. 

Finally, they reach Mari, and so does Lisaris. They draw their weapons, and Ben, without thinking, thinks of a trick that Uncle Luke taught him once. 

He reaches out and freezes Lisaris. 

Lisaris struggles, seeming just about bewildered by what just happened, staring out at Ben with a sort of hatred that chills Ben to the bone. 

They load Lisaris onto the shuttle, and Mari turns to look at Ben and Poe both. 

“Are you all right?” she says. “Both of you.”

”I’ve seen worse,” Poe says, but it’s clear that he’s trying to keep himself together. Ben places a hand on his shoulder, and Poe smiles at him. 

Ben can’t help but be glad, at least for that moment. If he can find a way to comfort Poe, it’s more than worth it. 

“And you, Ben?” Mari says. 

“I’m...fine.” And by that, Ben means not fine at all. Hopefully he will be. In time. 

They board the shuttle, Ben making sure to give the still-frozen Lisaris a wide berth. It just seems like a good idea. 

They sit down, away from Lisaris, just grateful for the moment that they’re away from the monster, away from the torture. Just for now. 

Ben turns to look at Poe. “Are you okay?” he says. “Really.”

”Like I said, I’ve seen worse,” Poe says. “Really. The worst part was wondering what that bastard was doing to you.”

”I know,” Ben says. “It was the same for me.”

He wonders if this is the right time to state his feelings. If there is a right time, that is. He doesn’t know if there is a right time, considering that he uses to be in the Order, where even the idea of love and marriage was a complicated thing. 

Niney moves up to him, gently nudges him, and Ben smiles despite himself. “Thanks,” he says, and Niney beeps. 

They’re quiet for the rest of the ride back; Ben’s still wondering how to tell Poe, if he ever does. How he’s going to vocalize how happy, exactly, Poe makes him and how Poe being tortured was agony in a different way, agony of knowing that someone you cared about was being hurt but not knowing if they were all right. 

Maybe he can find a way to tell Poe in full. 

Maybe. 

Maybe...

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. On His Chest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe gets drunk and confesses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The physical scars have healed, but just because the physical scars have healed doesn’t mean that the psychological ones have necessarily. Poe still has his nightmares, and sometimes he swears he wakes up feeling Lisaris’ penetrating stare on him, even though he knows logically that Lisaris is locked away. 

And then to complicate matters further, there’s Ben. 

Poe’s been having dreams about Ben too. Something about the way that Ben touched him while healing him...

Something about that is enough to give Poe the shivers, but they’re pleasant shivers. They’re the sorts of shivers where he wouldn’t mind if Ben touched him again. Or for that matter, he wouldn’t mind if he looked deeper into Ben’s eyes again, close enough to count the freckles on his face. 

So he’s been having dreams about those things too. Ben’s eyes, Ben’s freckles like stars in the sky, things of that nature. 

And he has to wake, frustrated, because he loves Ben — yes, he realizes with a jolt, he loves him — and Ben will never, ever be his. Will he?

It’s at the advice of Jessika Pava that Poe actually asks Ben to go for a drink with him. He doesn’t know if Ben will say yes, but Ben does, and minutes later, they’re at the bar drinking. 

Ben grimaces even as he takes in a bit of the Corellian ale. “Tastes like the Corellian hells if you ask me,” he says. 

Poe grins. “It’s an acquired taste,” he says. He takes another shot and says, “Y’know...you’re amazing, Ben. You really are. I mean, you don’t know, do you, you just don’t know...”

”Am I?” Ben sounds like he’s wondering, contemplating this possibility. 

“I mean, you’re so beautiful — ’’

”No,” Ben says. 

“Yes,” Poe says. “You are. And you’re funny, you’re kind, you’re brave, you’re just...amazing, Ben. And when Lisaris was hurting you...it was worse than anything else the stormtroopers could — could do.” Poe’s voice breaks, and Ben looks at him, puts an arm around his shoulder. That feels nice, at least. 

“Thanks,” Poe says, and Ben nods. 

“I love you,” Poe says, and even in his currently more-than-a-bit-tipsy state, he’s aware of how much of a relief it really is to say. 

Ben looks over at him, clearly bewildered. “You...”

”Yes. So much.”

”Poe, I...” Ben swallows, almost like he’s taken aback. “I think you need to get to bed.”

And even going back, Poe finds himself rambling, because the alcohol’s loosened his tongue, and saying everything that needs to be said has become easier somehow. 

***

It’s after putting Poe to bed that Ben turns to Kare and says, “He wasn’t just drunk, was he?”

”I think,” Kare says, “Drunk Poe is just Poe when he really has to say something without those pesky things like shyness getting in the way.”

”Poe’s not shy.”

”When it comes to you, he is,” Kare says. “He adores you.”

”I do too. Adore him, I mean. But I couldn’t...it would have been wrong taking advantage of him like that...”

”Good on you,” Kare says. 

“And I’ll have to think it over. I mean...it’s all very confusing. I'm not a Jedi anymore but...”

”That’s a good plan,” Kare says. “Think it over.”

And heading back to his quarters, Ben can only hope he’s made the right choice. 

 


	10. Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Ben deal with the fallout from last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It’s when Poe wakes up that he feels like his head is already splitting open. Okay, maybe going out to drink wasn’t the best idea. In the future, maybe he could have at least gotten a drink of water. Is it possible to get drunk off water, after all — okay, Dameron, you must really be hungover —

It’s stumbling to breakfast that Ben seems awkward around him. Poe doesn’t know why, really, but as he sits down, he rubs his temples. “What did I do last night?"

”As far as Ben’s said,” Kare says, “What didn’t you do?”

Poe buries his face in his hands. “Please don’t say I — ’’

”As far as Ben said, you didn’t do anything particularly outrageous,” Kare says. “But you did say a lot.”

”Stars, what did I say?”

Kare sighs. “Maybe we could discuss this after breakfast. In private.”

It’s after breakfast in private when Kare fills him in, and the details of last night flood back to Poe in an overwhelming intensity. 

"Oh, stars,” he says. 

It’s later that he goes to talk to Ben. Ben’s still acting awkward around him, and Poe can’t say that he blames him. Ben’s off with Niney when he looks up at Poe. “Poe. Hi.”

”Hi,” Poe says. He sits down. “Ben, about last night...” He bites his lip. "The thing is, I was telling the truth. I wasn’t just drunk. I’m...sorry that you had to learn about it like you did. Really. I — ’’

”It’s all right. Really.” Ben looks at him, and his eyes are soft. So soft. So deep too, and so beautiful. Poe could practically drown in them. "I’ve...thought about it, and the truth is...I feel the same way.”

There’s something in Poe that lifts in that moment. “You...do?”

Ben smiles. “I do.”

They’re so close. Poe can lose himself in Ben’s eyes. Such beautiful, expressive eyes...

They struggle to get past Ben’s nose, but eventually their lips meet, and they’re so soft, so full. Poe hasn’t thought that Ben’s lips would be so soft and full. When they finally break away, Poe’s gasping for air, as is Ben. 

“So...kriff.” Poe’s staring at Ben in amazement, staring into those dark brown eyes. Before his eyes, it’s like Ben is some sort of angel. “That...that was a real kiss.”

”That was your first?”

”Yeah.”

”And the others — ’’

”They didn’t go anywhere,” Poe says. 

Ben seems to sigh in relief. Then he laughs. “I was so...absurdly...”

”Don’t be. They’re not you.” Poe strokes back a lock of hair. 

Ben smiles, and in that moment, he’s even more beautiful. 

“We should meet with Madine,” Poe says. 

“We should.”

And they walk together towards the meeting room. Others notice, of course, Ben’s larger hand entwined with Poe’s smaller, slimmer one. And of course they talk. It doesn’t matter, though. Not for now. They love each other, and that’s what matters. 


	11. Liberate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Republic gets some information that may very well end the war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: I know canonically that Snoke’s flagship is called the Supremacy (also, redundant name is redundant), but I came up with the name before the leaks came out. Besides, the Supremacy sounds so redundant, doesn’t it?

The meeting with General Madine lets them know some massive news that may very well mean the end to the war: not Onderon being under siege, but the fact that Snoke’s ship, the  _Liberator,_ has shown up to Onderon. Ben already won’t deny he’s uneasy — the Supreme Leader himself showing up at Onderon seems almost too easy, actually. It feels too convenient. Even as Poe places a hand on his shoulder, Ben can’t help but feel his anxiety pool in his belly instead of his chest. 

“We have acquired special charges that may blow up the _Liberator_ ,” Madine says. “While the space battle rages on, a small shuttle will infiltrate the Star Destroyer and a strike team will plant the charges to blow it up from inside. However, this means nothing if Snoke escapes.” 

Ben speaks up. “I’ll go,” he says. 

“To fight Snoke?”

”Yes.”

Poe speaks up next. “I’ll go with him,” he says. “He’s not going alone.”

Ben looks over at him in astonishment. “He’ll kill you,” he says. 

“Anything’s willing to kill me, Ben,” Poe says. “Believe me.”

Mari speaks up. “Count me in,” she says, and Niney beeps as well as he wheels in. 

Ben can only hope that they’re not making a mistake. He appreciates their courage, but what good are people with blasters and a BB unit going to do against someone like Snoke? 

It’s later in Ben’s quarters that Ben says, “You don’t have to go with me.”

”Ben...you’re not facing Snoke alone,” Poe says. “Believe me. I may just be a man with a blaster, but I’d do anything to keep you safe.”

Ben nods. “I know.”

They’re close enough for Ben to count Poe’s eyelashes, and they lean in to kiss. It starts out gentle before becoming hungrier, like it may be the last time they kiss like this. They don’t have enough time, but they can savor this moment while it lasts. 

They break the kiss, and Poe grins at Ben with the sort of grin that suggests he’s going to do something daring. “Let’s go stand up to him,” he says. 

“Yes,” Ben says. “Let’s.”


	12. Aras

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ben gets several unpleasant surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

When the shuttle comes out of hyperspace, Ben can see that it’s a whole vision of hell. Ships shooting at each other, some bursting into explosions, little bursts of fire against the galactic sky. Steering through them is just a matter of relying on the Force. Relying on the Force, remembering what his father said about different types of ships.

The shuttle is sleek, agile. Even making it through the lasers shooting at them, into the Liberator, Ben has to marvel at how well it moves.

The teams split up at this point. Those carrying the charges don’t say anything. Just a nod. Go on and find Snoke, they seem to say without saying a word. Do what you can.

Fighting through stormtroopers (and it really does feel like the Empire resurrected, Ben thinks), through strange guards with red armor, makes it difficult to get to Snoke, but not by much. By the time Ben’s done, though, he has his share of injuries. Shaking, he injects a life support pack into one injury to kill the pain.

“Are you okay?” Poe says, softly.

Ben forces a smile. “Never better,” he says.

Snoke is close. Ben can feel him. And it’s there that he realizes that the presence he feels is far too familiar...

”I’ve felt him before,” he says.

“What are you talking about?” Mari says.

“When I was a child,” Ben says. “He wasn’t...bad. When my parents fought, he was there to help me. He was my...”

He trails off. Poe looks horrified.

“Ben,” he says, “Are you saying that Snoke was tracking you from when you were just a child?”

”Maybe he wasn’t. But...” Ben finds that he can’t finish the sentence. Even the idea of Snoke being his not-so-imaginary friend...

Poe places a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t blame yourself,” he says. “Beings like Snoke are cunning, after all. They have to earn your trust, and then they can bite.”

Ben supposes that Poe’s right. Plus, how old was he? Three years old? How would a three year old know?

”I guess,” he says. He takes a deep breath. “Let’s stand up to Snoke.”

It’s behind that door that it all comes crashing together with the intensity of a runaway speeder. Because that...

That’s Master Yana on that throne. All this time, he was tricking Ben, manipulating Ben. Even as Ben looks at the figure surrounded by wild cats and more red-armored guards, he feels a certain chill. All this time, two beings he thought he could trust were not only the same being, but a manipulative being as well.

Yana — no, Snoke — looks down at Ben and smiles. “Ben,” he says. “I thought I felt you coming.”

Ben doesn’t know what to say for the longest time. Finally, he says, “How could you?”

Snoke is quiet for a while, thoughtful. Finally, he says, “You refer to the persona of Yana, am I correct?”

”Who other?”

”It was a necessary fiction, Ben. If I had walked into the Enclave as I truly was, your uncle would have killed me on sight.” A pause. “He never would have understood, Ben. Everything that I was doing, everything I have done. He would have seen a monster because that’s what he would have wanted to see. He even saw you as a monster for fighting against me.”

”What’s there to understand?”

Snoke reaches out with the Force and snatches Poe and Mari’s blasters from their hands. Poe stares at him, as does Mari. 

“What did you do?” she says. 

“Nothing’s impossible with the Force,” Snoke says. “Now...shall we talk?”

Ben already feels dizzy. He’s talking to the monster. The monster, who also happens to be someone he trusted, even cared about. That just makes the situation worse. It would have been easier if the monster was a complete stranger. 

“You haven’t answered my question,” Ben says. “What’s there to understand?”

Snoke is quiet. “My mission is to restore Milara to its former glory,” he says. “Something the Republic would never understand.”

”How does firing on Onderon exactly help that?” Mari says. 

“Considering what the Jedi Exile did to it,” Snoke says, “It’s a mercy killing. You...you know nothing of this, of course. Of course, you know nothing of bombardments on innocents. Wondering how, as a child, you would die. Waking to the sound of blasterfire. You know nothing of any of this. When Milara was being attacked, your lot...your lot did nothing.”

Mari actually looks stunned. “The Republic wouldn’t — ’’

“Don’t say they wouldn’t, Gold Leader,” Snoke says. “I remember everything. And the Jedi...they also did nothing. The Jedi claim to care for the innocent, but they care nothing for them. I had to go back to Milara myself. Take care of the man bombing it — and I promised that nothing like that would ever happen to Milara ever again.”

Ben doesn’t know what to say. 

“Are we that different, Ben?” Snoke says. “Truly?”

Ben looks at him. “You can stop this,” he says. “We’re not going to kill you. Just take you into custody — ’’

“Take me back to the Republic?” Snoke sighs. “You are a fool, Ben. Noble, but a fool. You would doom Milara by doing so. Come with me.”

Ben’s mouth goes dry. “What?”

”Come with me. What has the Republic done for anyone? Senators who bicker like tu’kata over raw meat care nothing for those who need them the most.” Snoke pauses. “What if you did the right thing, Ben? Used your powers, your lineage, for good?”

”What do you know about my powers?”

”You are unique, Ben. I should know... _aras_.”

Mari inhales sharply. 

“What did he say?” Ben feels a sudden sense of dread. 

“Son,” Mari says. “He called you son. But he must be mistaken...”

And Ben feels as if his world’s given way below him. 


	13. Second Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben duels Snoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“Son?” Ben says, slowly. 

“Yes, Ben.” Snoke’s voice is softer now. “You were my creation from the very start. Your parents may have made you, but you were my creation from the start. You never wondered why you had that balance of Light and Dark in you.”

”That doesn’t mean anything,” Ben says. “Don’t we all have it?” _Maybe I’m not tainted. Broken. Damaged. Dear stars, maybe I’m not..._

”Never to your extent,” Snoke says. “You...you were a focal point of both Light and Dark ability, and why not? I made you that way, Ben. You are not my child biologically, but I did play a role in your creation.”

Ben already feels like he’s been hit by a speeder. It all makes sense, though, all of it. Even Snoke watching him — it was to check up on, in a way, his creation. 

Even that knowledge makes Ben feel ill. 

Snoke sounds almost nostalgic even as he speaks. “You were a gentle boy. If I had been able to, I would have rescued you from that wretched Enclave and shown you the stars. All that you had to rule, all you could be. The Enclave belittled you, smothered you, and hid like cowards when I came calling. And your own mother did this to you, Ben.”

Even the mention of his mother brings up something else in Ben, a sort of clenching horror. Did she know? Was that why she — no, she couldn’t have possibly abandoned him, could she? 

How could she? 

“She did the best she could — ’’

”A classic excuse, a classic justification. A parent can treat their child in ways beyond the pale and it can still be justified with that, can’t it?” Snoke looks down at Ben. “Your mother abandoned you, and yet you say she did the best she could.”

”There was too much Vader in me.” Whatever that meant. When Ben picked it up from his mother, along with her fear, it never made any sense.

”Because of your heritage. Her heritage too. Yes, Ben, your grandfather was Vader.”

And Ben can’t help but feel like the galaxy’s been yanked out from under him again. How many more revelations can he take? Is he just tainted, irrevocably? He’s guilty of something. He knows that. 

Poe speaks up. “All this doesn’t change a thing about Ben. He’s still a good person. A wonderful person, and a good soldier.”

Mari nods. “Vader was a monster,” she says. “But I don’t see a monster standing here.”

Niney chimes in in that moment. Ben supposed be should have known; droids can be very loyal. 

Snoke looks down at them all. “And what of you, Ben? Would you join me? You could finally put your abilities to good use. You could find your place.”

Ben swallows. It hurts, doing this, but he says, “I already found a place to belong.” 

“Your squadron?” Snoke sounds flabbergasted. “What do they know of the Force?”

”Maybe nothing. But I feel more like I belong with them than I ever did in the Order.”

“You fool.” Snoke’s fury is already building, and with it, Ben knows, a sort of jealousy that the squadron found a place for Ben where he couldn’t. “I would have given you the stars if I could, and you refuse me...”

”I’m sorry.” 

Snoke draws his lightsaber and ignites it. Ben ignites his, and the duel begins. All the while, Ben has to avoid swipes from the dual blades, which is definitely more difficult than if Snoke was wielding a single blade. All the while, Ben holds back — because killing Snoke is something he can never do. Niney backs him up, as does Poe and Mari, taking additional blasters from their pockets and shooting at Snoke. But Ben holds back. 

Snoke seems to notice because he looks at Ben, sneering. “You’re pathetic. I don’t know what I saw in you.”

”I don’t want to kill you, Snoke.”

”Indeed?”

”This doesn’t have to happen. You can stop this. You can stop all of it.” Ben takes a deep breath. “Maybe I’m naive. But what if you didn’t have to do any of this anymore?”

Snoke pauses. Then, “I do this, all of this, for Milara. For the galaxy.”

“What about Onderon? Did you ever imagine you’d do this?”

”Onderon — ’’

” — was innocent!” Ben says. “How are you any better than the man who destroyed your home?”

Snoke is practically seething. Then, “I am nothing like that...animal.”

”I don’t know,” Ben says. “Destruction is destruction no matter who’s doing it.”

"You know nothing.” Snoke draws his lightsaber again. “But you’ll learn."

The duel resumes, and Ben has to fend off Snoke’s strikes. He doesn’t know if he can actually win this one —

— and then Snoke knocks him to the ground. Ben looks up at Snoke, who seems to loom above him in that moment, and he says, “So that’s what you’re going to do? Kill your own creation?”

Snoke hesitates. That’s a good sign. Ben gets to his feet. 

“You don’t have to do this,” Ben says. "Any of this. When you first set off on your mission to save Milara, did you ever dream it would end up like this?”

”War is dirty work.”

”It is. But did you ever expect it to end up like this? Can you feel what I feel?”

”It’s necessary,” Snoke says, but Ben can tell his denial’s crumbling. 

“What if you made the first move to end it? They’ll listen to you. Question is,” Ben says, “Do you have the strength to do it?”

Snoke pauses. He seems to be sensing the space battle outside, thinking...

Finally, he picks up his comlink, and Ben waits with bated breath to hear what he has to say. 

 

 

 


	14. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The silence that hangs in the air is tense, tense enough to feel like it’s been stretched thin. It takes a while before Snoke finally speaks, and when he does, it’s something that Ben does not expect. 

“General Hux — call off the fleet.”

”What?” The voice that comes over the comlink is a sort of voice that Ben doesn’t like the moment he hears it. It sounds slimy, almost like the speaker would leave a trail of slime in their wake just oozing all over the place. 

“There’s been enough killing,” Snoke says. “We...we’ve strayed so far from what the First Order was meant to be. Call off the fleet.”

”I should have known,” Hux says. “You always were weak. Mitaka, open fire.”

The ship trembles, and Ben is jolted backwards. Now...now the ship is blowing up bit by bit, and he has to get out of here. Snoke is currently lying prone on the floor, and Ben will be damned if he leaves Snoke there. 

“Help me,” he says to Mari and Poe, and they do. Snoke’s body is surprisingly light to carry, but Ben knows he can’t do it alone. 

They reach the hangar in the nick of time with Niney, along with the bomb squad, and Jessika turns to look at Ben. “Is that — ’’

”Snoke. Yes.” Ben’s voice cracks even as he feels the weight of the day, every revelation, every  happening, finally crash down on him. Poe puts a hand on his shoulder, and Ben can feel steady for just a moment. 

They load him in, and Ben comms for a medical frigate to pick them up. Then they leave the _Liberator_ to burn _._ Outside, there are millions of ships on fire, one Star Destroyer going down. Ben feels Hux’s presence go out in that moment, and he knows that he was on that ship. 

They head into hyperspace, away from the battle, and towards the Republic base.


	15. Father and Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han and Ben reunite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Snoke wakes after a while, and is taken into custody. It’s a temporary measure before his trial, of course, and when he does stand trial, he’ll have to account for all the destruction he caused, and the lives that he took. 

Ben supposes he should feel relieved, but instead he just feels sick. Considering what Snoke did to him...

Did he ever stand a chance? Knowing that Snoke was stalking him like that...and how long? How much of a role did Snoke play in his creation? He was just a child; did he ever, at all, stand a chance? 

Poe and Mari try to comfort him, and Niney sits vigil with him throughout the night as he dials up his father. 

His father’s look of utter, luminous joy fades away to worry even as he takes in Ben’s appearance. “Ben...kiddo...what happened?”

”I...have something to tell you.”

”What is it, kiddo?”

Even as Ben tells his father everything that happened, he’s shaking, and not for the first time, he feels everything that happened crashing down on him. The fact that Snoke was, in a way, his second father...the fact that even in between all the manipulations that Snoke had been so kind to him...the fact that from the beginning he hadn’t stood a chance...

When he finishes, he swears that he feels moisture in his eyes, and Han looks back at him, eyes wide. Then Ben says, “So...does it change anything?”

”Not a damn thing.”

”But everything I knew — I’m — ’’

”You’re still my son. There is nothing that can happen that can make me love you less. What Snoke did to you...it’s sick, but it’s about how sick he is. There’s everything wrong with Snoke. But there’s nothing wrong with you.”

There’s something in Ben that starts to lighten in spite of himself. His father still believes in him. Still loves him. 

“You really do believe in me, don’t you?”

”Always have, always will, kiddo.”

Silence. 

“Snoke’s going on trial,” Ben says. “He’s woken up. And...” He runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know how to feel about it. I mean, he lied to me, but he was also...kind. You didn’t really have that same experience that I did, but — ’’

”They usually are, kiddo.”

”Do you — ’’

”You were only, what, a year old when that sick schutta did that to you?” Beat. “Sorry ‘bout the language, Ben.”

Ben smiles despite himself. “I’ve heard worse,” he says. 

“Right. But the thing is...it was my fault, kiddo.”

”Dad — ’’

”It was. Because your mother and I — I know we fought a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I don’t know if we were even necessarily compatible. We loved each other, but that by itself doesn’t mean you’re right for each other. And I think Snoke took advantage of that. They usually do. When I first started out on this mission I had, I wanted to make sure you were happy. You and your mother both. To make sure that you didn’t have to grow up in the same hell I did.” A pause. “I didn’t tell you everything about my childhood, did I? If not for Chewie and his family...I don’t know if I would be here right now...”

Ben bites his lip. Seeing his father confessing everything... “So you wanted to — ’’

”Yeah. Make sure you were happy.” His father sighs. “And I missed a sick bastard in our midst — ’’

”Don’t say that,” Ben says. “It’s not your fault. Not once, not ever. Snoke was...sick, and none of us were to blame.”

”Yeah.” His father sighs. “He was sick.”

There’s silence. 

“I didn’t really tell you about what happened to me, did I?” Ben says. 

“Not really.”

Ben takes a deep breath. “Well,” he says, “It started when I ran away...”

 


	16. Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and co. are rewarded for their actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It’s long after Snoke’s trial that Ben gets his awards, as do Poe, Mari and Niney. They stand before a Republic admiral even as she hands out the awards, the highest honor that the Republic can bestow. Not the Cross of Glory as they used in old times, but the medals she hands out are something in and of themselves. 

Snoke has been defeated. They’re still finding the remnants of what Ben now knows is called the First Order, but it’s nothing that isn’t at least able to be managed in time. It’s bittersweet at most. He can still remember Snoke’s trial, Snoke telling his story in full, and he’s still wondered how there can be beings out there who can be capable of such crimes towards children. 

He can only hope that Snoke finds healing in his own right. Ben supposes it’s not his job to fix it, but he hopes nonetheless. Others will likely only see the monster. They won’t see someone who was man and monster in his own right. 

And Ben wonders how much of it was faked. How much of it was real. He supposes that he’ll never truly know everything, except what he heard at the trial. 

It’s sometime during the party that Poe turns to look at him. “Are you doing all right?” he says. 

“I was thinking about Snoke. How much was real, how much was fake.” 

”He really got to all of us, didn’t he?” Poe says. 

Ben nods. 

“It’s not your fault, y’know. You cared about him, in a way, and he used you. Used us all. You were just a kid. As for how much was real and how much was fake...I don’t know either.”

The celebration rages on, and Ben says, “What do you think we’ll do now?”

”I don’t know what’s gonna happen,” Poe says, “But we’re going to face it no matter what. There’s always gonna be more missions, Ben.”

Ben smiles. “Yeah.” Maybe helping people was what he was cut out for, all along. 

“You wanna dance?”

Ben grins. “How can I refuse?”

They head to the dance floor then, to join the others even as a slower tune plays throughout the night. Poe’s right; there always will be more missions. But Ben knows he’s going to face whatever comes, with his new teammates, no matter what. 


End file.
